Time is Precious: I have wasted a lot, but fit in more than most.

 

Time is the most precious commodity we have and it is the most wasted resource.  

I have wasted a lot and have fit more in than most.. 

Time waits for no man and all things must pass are two statements that rattle about my tiny little mind.

Nothing marks time like a passing of someone. It always makes you reflect life.  

Death is funny like that.

The passing of Diane Keaton has shook me a little, even though she was only on a screen, she felt very real to many.

She will be very missed. She was 2 years younger than my mum. And had a affluent life, which makes me even more grateful for the fortitude of my own my mum.

Mum has been a rock, Someone who hasn't ever given up. 

I have gained a clock this week from my mother, a clock I have heard chime and tick for over 40 years. They purchased it in a charity shop for 50p back in the 80's.

The dedication to wind up the clock, routine that was solid. To keep it ticking all that time. 

Finally, my mum has given up winding the clocks up. 

Its a moment in time ( excuse the pun) that has such impact on my life, it takes my breath away.

She used to run. Run us to school a mile and a half every morning.

Even though she was ill all my life, she has just carried on regardless. In fact, us mere mortals will never understand the sheer strength of a person, to just carry on.  She has been a medical wonder for over 15 years and should of died ( actually has 3 times) but just tells the grim reaper to fuck right off every time.

Because we have been through so much, our humour is dark. Very, very dark - because you have to laugh.

Especially at the times when laughter is frowned upon. Lighten the fuck up. 

My mum is on Dialysis and has been for 16 years, a feat in itself - she said that her friends on the unit are going, one by one... I said that Grim's is so effed off with waiting for you Pearl, he is offing ya mates.....

She is now suffering heart failure and we are waiting for a liver cancer result. Hat trick.

See... not one, but three life threatening things, and she has still been carrying on.

Until this week.

This week she blacked out while first driving in her new car of 8 days. 

Po Po's took her licence on the spot. And rightly so, I have been trying to tell her for months not to drive.

She said it looked lovely on the drive for a week.  Bloody hell woman! 

But strong women - will not listen. Until the universe makes them have too. 

Thankfully, she is ok, no one and nothing got hurt. Only the car and at this point, who cares. 

To add insult to injury, I delivered her a wheelchair upon request of mum. She cannot walk properly and the pain is too much for her to bare. This alone kills me.  

The grief I feel for the woman that my mum was, is sometimes too much. And she is still here.

I think I need some more support. This is too hard. 

 She is totally with it in mind but her mortal body is failing her.

Our spirits are sometimes so strong, they do not want to give in. 

Its a light that cannot ever be extinguished. 

I wish I could help her more.

I think this is a reason the passing of Diane Keaton has effected me so, 

She has been a steadfast part of my life ever since I was a young. 

I used to watch Baby Boom on repeat.I came from a small town and I had never seen a boss lady before taking on the city, I was obsessed. 

Big suits, big offices and big business.

She shaped how I looked at women and how they can grow up to be. 

Her style has always been a massive part of her draw, and this is being celebrated. 

Always on her terms and it showed even when smashing the film ," Somethings gotta give" a feat in Hollywood to be cast as front runners later in life. 

However, after seeing a short on her,  on Ellen. She said she had never been married and she longed to be. That's sad.

I saw myself in her and it scared me. 

A woman brave enough to face life alone. 

Sounds great on paper and even watching the ending of ' Just like that'  - it is celebrated, being a powerhouse of a woman to make the decision to stay, not alone. But on her own. 

( We all don't have a lovely townhouse from Big's millions do we Carrie!) 

Anyway, it's been a week.

I know this year has been tough for many. 

I hope you are all OK.

L.x